After a whirlwind few months I find myself back into that similar situation of having gained twenty pounds in the blink of an eye.
Seemingly unrelated, I had begun praying to find my calling and a career that would bring joy. At that time everything was completely under control with my weight loss goals. Then I was laid off from my job without any warning. Truth be told I was on the verge of burnout anyway from traveling and being away from my family. Even so, when I was laid off I felt betrayed. I had poured so much into that company and all of us had been lied to. None of us received full paychecks for our work. We had fifteen minutes notice we were no longer needed. I stuffed my anger down by eating. That very night after getting laid off I requested a chocolate croissant and that made me very briefly feel much better.
Although I was a nervous wreck, I knew in my heart that being laid off was an answer to prayers. I had been praying on my way to work that God would open doors for me and lead me to a career that would be rewarding and fulfilling. I knew I wasn’t where God meant for me to be.
One my friends introduced me to the sweet owner of a medical spa. She hired me after an interview and there I have discovered my calling and my happy place. Marketing, branding, skin care, facials, healthy food, helping women make choices to better themselves. Everything I am passionate about wrapped into one career package.
Now as I sit in this beautiful office at my dream job, I am ready to tackle this weight issue once and for all. I arrived to work this morning looking like a hot mess. My malti-poo literally ate my favorite pair of false lashes. My skin is broken out because I didn’t wash off the waterproof sunscreen from yesterday. I had to grab the first clean shirt I could find because I overslept. My son had me up for hours last night because of a nightmare. My nails are chewed to nubs and my hair is in a saggy bun.
I do not have low self-esteem about how I look, but I know I deserve better for myself than having a series of days where I feel off track. These extra pounds are exhausting to carry around. My energy level is starting to drop again and I simply do not feel my best. Carrying extra weight can feel like carrying any other burden around.
There is always more going on behind the scenes of my weight gain than eating an extra slice of cake.
Holding on to extra pounds can be symbolic of not letting go of the past, of hiding behind weight, self sabotage, or any number of emotions.
I have decided to dig deeper and ask myself some questions.
Is this weight symbolic of something in the past I am not willing to let go of?
Am I hiding behind extra weight? Hiding from potential attention perhaps?
Am I sabotaging myself? Do I eat cake and cookies and feel terrible just when I was starting to feel my best?
Everyone’s answer is different.
Personally, I have started to see some direct correlations between self care and my weight. After putting some time into observing my patterns I began to see some preventable scenarios emerge.
If I am not treating myself to a good night’s rest, a quiet moment with a book, or an occasional manicure then I will treat myself with a quick and easy cupcake.
Through journaling I am seeing this pattern emerge. My go-to splurge is a pastry or dessert if I neglect other areas of my life, like rest and my skincare routine.
I would highly recommend anyone who struggles with weight grab a pen and thoughtfully ponder why. It has helped me immensely and been very eye opening these past few days!